my hobbies include passionately not watching Big Bang Theory
I just invented a new word:
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point
once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
357% sure this never happened
you are the dancing queen
im not like other teenagers, im 51
"yeah, everything’s fine, i just tucked your kid into bed. but can i cover up the clown statue in the corner? it’s freaking me out"
"what? we dont have a kid. take our clown statue and get out of the house right now"